We’re four weeks into Wild & Holy Truth now, which is crazy and insane for a few reasons:
1. That means Thanksgiving is next week in the States
2. That means #2 is coming really soon, like only 7 more weeks
3. The Holiday Season is fast upon us
4. 2018 is coming in like WOAH!
How is any of this even possible?
But, what this also means is that I’ve co-facilitated two entrepreneurial meet ups now for the Society of Women Entrepreneurs here in San Antonio (are you local? Join us here for our next meet up) and what I witnessed happening last night that I’ve also been witnessing at my retreats and inside my group programs is something that makes me both really, really happy and also really, really sad and forlorn.
In every single women’s circle I create and am a part of, there are always at least several (if not the MAJORITY) of women who say something along the lines of…
“Gosh, it is SO nice to be around other women who aren’t trying to compete with me.”
“It is so refreshing to be around other women who really want to see me succeed and make me feel safe enough to be myself.”
What in the ever living world is wrong with the world of women that so many of us have experienced such trauma at the hands of other women that being supported and loved up on instead is a “refreshing” experience or an all out surprise?!
Yet, I too, remember having these traumatic experiences with women. I mean, I’ve surely been at the hands of some backstabbing BS in my time and I’ve also been the judgey-McJudgeyson on the other side too. Hey- full disclosure.
But why does this happen?
And more importantly, what’s shifted so much that I find myself creating completely different experiences for women – safe experiences, encouraging, supportive spaces for women that not just restore their hope in humanity (and I’m being straight up serious on that one), but watch the literal transformation that happens when women truly LOVE up on other women?
Here’s what I know so far:
When you intentionally do your own work to own your own stuff about the ways you feel you don’t measure up and instead own YOUR truth, YOUR power, YOUR specialness, and YOUR value, you’re far more grounded in the light that you bring and realize it’s safe to shine just like it’s safe for other women to shine too.
When you intentionally choose to be in collaboration with other women realizing competition is something you create, you no longer walk into relationships feeling guarded or scared of someone one-upping you.
When you’re surrounded by other like-minded women, it creates a level of safety to be who you are and trust that you’re enough EVEN IF (and this is important) you don’t fully believe it yet.
Every day, I get to witness women sharing more and more of their truth with other groups of women and be embraced and supported because of it.
And I’m not talking about easy truths to share. I’m talking about HARD TRUTHS to share like “I feel scared to share this, but I’m doing it anyway”, “I felt left out last night because you missed a big piece of my story”, “I’m scared of sharing this win because I don’t want you to think I’m braggy or over-confident, but I’m doing it anyway”, “I need help with this area of my life even though I really feel like I should have it all figured out”, “I feel guilty for all the ways I feel like I’m failing my kid” or “Your perspective came from a place of privilege. I need you to acknowledge that.”
These may not seem like HARD TRUTHS to share to you, but let me ask you…. when’s the last time you felt safe enough to share something like that with a group of women knowing that even though it’s scary as hell, you’re going to be supported and embraced and lifted up?
Have you EVER shared a hard truth like that in a group of women that wasn’t in a one or one setting?
Most of us haven’t because MOST of us don’t have safe enough spaces to and that, my dear friend, is something I want to change.
Because what I see happening in the circles I’m creating and the circles I choose to run in is something quite remarkable.
I see women stepping out from behind the shield of shame to own their stories, own their truths, own their feelings, and talk about them.
I see women building friendships, like real-deal supportive friendships EVEN in the virtual space.
I see women being brave enough (and thank Goddess for this) to hold each other accountable for dismantling racism, xenophobia, and “white-Christian-hetero-binary-nonimmigrant” norms that continue to tear America apart.
I see women forming business partnerships and referral systems simply by showing up and being themselves.
I see women growing their confidence, growing their bravery, and MORE IMPORTANTLY deepening their self-compassion because they’re being loved up on by other women.
These circles…. they’re important! And we each have a role to play in them.
We each get to choose how we’re going to be in relationship with other women.
We get to be intentional about choosing collaboration over competition.
But none of this really changes until we shift the relationship we have with ourselves.
Which brings me to my final point…. YOUR INNER WORK MATTERS more than anything in this world! It is the most priceless investment you will EVER EVER EVER make because wherever you go, there you are.
You can’t outrun yourself. (I’ve tried. For about a decade. And I still had to face the music, which I’m so glad I did.)
Because when you do your own work, you no longer have to run from the voices of “not enough” or the voices of being “too much”.
You learn how to walk toward them, beat them back with a stick, realize neither of those things are ever your TRUTH, and go forth in the world like the brave Queen you are.
We, as a whole, have to stop watering ourselves down to fit in or be liked. Faking our way through life gets us cheap seats in the balcony instead of the good seats in the arena. And the arena… that’s where love, belonging, self-trust, confidence or wholeness live.
So, the next time you find yourself comparing yourself to another woman… take a pause. Realize the way you’re dismissing all that you have to offer and bring to the table.
You belong at this table. You always have. You always will.
And for the love of all that is Holy…. find a group of women who live their lives from this place of deep love for other women and choose to dwell in those places.
The more we arrive here, the more we will change the world.
This, you can bet on!
Interested in being a part of a circle like this? I have something coming your way soon that I know you’re going to love.
The only thing more powerful than women supporting other women is women LOVING other women.
And as God as my witness…. one of my most treasured accomplishments in this life is creating spaces that intentionally call in women who are willing and ready to love themselves and each other to be their Wild & Holy Selves!