Using discernment to determine what feels true for ourselves and what doesn’t and allows us to create spiritual authenticity.
I mentioned an external locus of control and an an internal locus of control yesterday, which I wanted to tease apart just a bit more.
When we practice discernment, we’re essentially shifting where we put our power. When we allow others outside of ourselves to hold power over what’s true or right or good (our parents, our partner, an institution, for example) we’re allowing someone else to discern what’s true. When we shift that power internally, we’re choosing to decide these things for ourselves.
Discernment is two parts:
- Shifting the power to decide what’s true from an external place to an internal one
- Using our own filter to decide what aligns with what we believe, value, and hold as important
The reason this is so incredibly necessary is because what we believe, value, and hold important has a big impact on how we define enoughness.
When we allow other’s to hold the power, we’re essentially accepting their standards for what it means to be enough, which means we’re typically measuring ourselves against someone else’s expectations.
The problem with this is that in my experience, I’m hardly ever enough when I’m using someone else’s benchmarks.
And this includes anything from what it means to be successful and what it means to be happy to what it means to be good or smart or capable. But it can also go into helping us define broader concepts such as love and trust and intimacy, which I mentioned yesterday.
For instance, we use these definitions and values to help us determine what a good, healthy relationship is. If we were handed a distorted view, we may settle for something that never feels quite true for us.
That’s part of why I say, the relationship we have with God is the blueprint for the relationship we have with everyone else. Defining God on your own terms and building a relationship to the God of your understanding is essential to understanding Divine love and how you can practice that in your human relationships.
Hence, when we begin to determine what our own beliefs and values are, the foundation for our spiritual self, this opens the door for us redefining what it means to be enough.
But we won’t get here without the practice of discernment.
- What does enoughness mean to you?
- What does it mean for you to be enough?
- What were you taught about being a good girl?
- What does it mean to be a good woman, a good wife, a good mother?
- Do these definitions and understandings feel true to you?
- What benchmarks are guiding your definition for success, happiness, and wealth?
Defining these concepts for yourself reclaims your power to decide what your own benchmarks and expectations are and when it comes to being enough, it is absolutely necessary that we’re measuring ourselves by our own expectations.
This is what gives us the freedom to see ourselves as enough outside of external definitions.
And the power of being enough is knowing you are whole and complete and worthy. This belief dramatically shifts how you move through the world, the confidence you have in the person you are, and how you appreciate what you’ve accomplished, what you still want to attain, and your purpose for pursuing those things in the first place.
Shifting these definitions isn’t something that is a “one and done”. It takes consistent attunement and releasing of the old definitions to create your new normal, but the first step is always discernment, then clarity, and then remembering that you live by your own definitions, expectations, and benchmarks. Not anyone else’s. This is another foundational element to creating an authentic life.
Additional resources mentioned in this vlog:
If you’re interested in living truer to who you are and by your own definitions, standards, expectations, and beliefs, come join me for Wild and Holy Weekend, a unique TX Hill Country retreat June 16th-18th for living your truest life and being your fullest expression. More details can be found here!