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Though She Be But Little, She is Fierce

{ 2 COMMENTS… add one }

When you first start approaching your enoughness, it’s going to hurt and it’s going to hurt hard.  Why am I telling you this?

Because the pain is necessary.  

 

The pain is liberating. 

The pain is worth it.

The whole experience of finally letting yourself feel it is the one thing that will give you your life back, free from the expectations and obligations you’ve been carrying for so long.  

It's in this space that you finally get to breathe for the first time, to look at yourself as you really are, not the person you've been striving to be.Click To Tweet

But, yes it’s going to hurt because at the root of your not enoughness is the most insecure piece of you.  The part that we all have, but rarely let others see, much less ourselves.  Because it’s easier to avoid.  It’s easier to pretend that you’re ok.  And it’s surely easier to carry on and hustle harder because if you can just do enough, be enough, become enough… it’ll make it all go away.

But I ask you, how’s that working out for you?  

And I don’t ask this in the smart-ass way like I know more than you do.  I’m asking sincerely.  Is it helping you?  Is it healing you?  Is it in fact making it go away?

For me, it wasn’t.  In fact, it was only getting me further away from myself.  The more I strived, the more I succeeded, the more I achieved, I dug myself even deeper into the illusion that I could achieve the hurt away.  I could achieve my way to enoughness.

But is was all a lie. 

What happened instead is I became more and more hopeless that it would never be enough, that I would never be enough. That I would never be fully happy because there would always be that little piece of me that wanted just a little bit more, needed just a little bit more. And the worst part is that this hopeless feeling wasn’t unbearable. In fact, it wasn’t even always present.

It would creep up after I was coming off a high of an accomplishment. It would creep up when the self-doubt creeped in. It would creep up when I was frustrated and stressed. It would creep up when things weren’t going my way.

And I couldn’t continue to deny that it didn’t matter how much I did, how much I made, how much I achieved, how much I became.  That little piece of me still felt an enormous sense of pain and fear.  She didn’t need more to achieve, to succeed, to become.  What she needed was to be enough, just as she is (just as you are), right where she is (right where you are).

And, let me tell you, this isn’t what I’d call easy work.

Why?

Because this little piece of you is stubborn and strong!

She’s confident that she understands how the world works and how you make it in this world.  After all, she’s the one that got you here. She’s steadfast in her thinking and trying to tell her otherwise feels like you’re caught in a temper tantrum with a 4 year old and mostly because you kind of are.

She’ll tell you all the reasons why she’s right and why you’re wrong and she’ll use your own life examples to prove her points. She’ll use your pain to hide a deeper truth. And when it comes to change, she’ll dig her heels in because she’s so afraid.

Little Miss Perfect wants you to know she has it all figured out and how you make it in this world, BUT she’s got it all wrong.

She’s swallowed so many messages of what it means to be enough, she’s hesitant to believe anything different.  She doesn’t know if she can trust you, if she can be vulnerable with you, if you’ll ever allow her to be enough, because she feels like you’ve left her on her own. You’ve tried to stamp her out. You’ve tried to deny her pain and her importance. And for good reason because you have somewhat abandoned her, haven’t you?

I did.

And if you’re too quick to give in to her demands.  If you’re too quick to give up when she digs in her heels, you’ll let her stay in her aloneness where she never becomes healed, where she’ll never feel the light, where she’ll keep holding your not-enoughness that is the one thing that can really set you free.  

So, you mustn’t give up or give in because it’s in your willingness to hold her pain, see her pain, acknowledge her pain, really feel it that she begins to open up.  

And it's here that you'll be given the biggest gifts because it's here that lies your liberation.Click To Tweet

But, it’s also here that you’ll find just how courageous you’re willing to be.  Because there’s no way you can go back or un-see what you’ve already seen. You can never un-see her hurt. You can never un-see how twisted she sees the world.

The only option at this point is to go deeper…

and deeper you will go.

  • Amanda August 27, 2015, 1:10 am

    The quote caught my eye. I had to read this. There is nothing like this feeling of KNOWING what you have to do but not quite sure when you’re going to do it. It’s like looking down the rocky cliff knowing you have to jump and you can’t decide if you tied your safety rope tight enough. Nauseating really. Necessary and nauseating. Thank you Megan for doing the work and paving the way.

    • Megan Hale August 28, 2015, 7:42 pm

      That means so much to me, Amanda. Thank you!! I totally know what you mean. You see the things that need to be healed, but it doesn’t feel very glamorous does it? It’s begging you to be vulnerable, but vulnerability is tough stuff. But I will tell you it’s worth it. It’s more than worth it. You just gotta be willing to dive deep <3 <3 <3 And if you can find someone who knows the work and can go there with you, it's even better! In fact, that's the only way I know how.

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