Let’s find out below:
The 5 P’s are toxic patterns that have a tendency of interfering with your happiness + fulfillment more than you may realize.
The Live True Assessment is an easy way to test if the 4 P’s are sabotaging your joy more than you’d like. I highly recommend going through it if you haven’t already. It’s 20 questions and will only take a few minutes!!
But…. let’s check out the 4 high risk areas that the Live True quiz assesses, which I call The 5 P’s That Prevent Happiness:
They are —
the tendency to put others’ needs before your own. This pattern can be common in codependent relationship styles in which both people involved have a tendency to blame the other person for things not going right in their life. They tend to over do for others out of the “goodness of their heart”, but over time (when the same isn’t returned), it can create resentment toward the other person or lead one person to feel they are being taken advantage of.
The “cure” is to always tend to your own needs in relationships. You are responsible for your own emotional and mental wellbeing. You are responsible for communicating what you want and need from others. You are also responsible for saying “no” and creating boundaries to honor your true feelings, desires, and expectations of others. You’re responsible for choosing what you will allow in your relationships and what you won’t. It’s also your responsibility to determine your own life direction regardless of the approval or disapproval of others.
To end pleasing, it’s often helpful to do some work around the beliefs that keep you stuck in this pattern. Some common beliefs are “the other person will get mad if I disagree with them”, “the other person won’t like me if I say ‘no'”, “people will say ‘told you so’ if I fail”, etc. Ending pleasing requires breaking free from these beliefs and adopting a more freeing mindset in how you interact in relationships.
Key Take Away — The only person you need to please is you.
the pattern of putting on appearances to win the approval or attention of others. This pattern is common in hiding insecurities or satisfying the basic human need of acceptance and belonging. All of us want a place where we feel we belong, where we’ve found “our people”, and where we feel we are accepted. Often times, we will go to great lengths to ensure this need is met as this need is crucial for healthy self-esteem and self-worth.
However, acceptance and belonging are quite different from “fitting in”. Fitting in requires us to guess what other people want from us and change ourselves to fit that mold in order to “gain entrance” into a social group. Acceptance and belonging, on the other hand, only occur when we honor our most authentic selves. When we are true to who we are, we find the right people who accept us for our true selves, quirks, strengths, weaknesses, and all.
To end the pattern of performing, you must first develop a basic concept of who you are as a person and become more aware of when you are hiding your true self around others. When one first starts to break this pattern, anxiety is common as there is fear that we may not be good enough as we are to be accepted. Although fear provoking and uncertain, it is absolutely crucial to break through these barriers in order to Live True.
Key Take Away — A strong belief that you’re enough as you are, where you are is the best “cure” to ending performing.
the pattern of striving for ideals that are unrealistic and unattainable. Perfectionism is a major thief of joy as it creates a pattern of striving and obsessing over a destination that one will never attain. Perfection does not exist because we, as human beings, do not live in a vacuum where we can control all variables.
Perfectionism is often camouflaged as a strong desire for self-improvement. These two are not the same thing. Improving or bettering yourself can be successfully measured and has distinct levels that can be reached. Perfectionism has no real measuring quality since perfection is explicitly subjective meaning the definition of “perfection” is different for each individual. Once one level of “perfection” is reached, there is a distinct unyielding need to improve more and more and more.
Perfecting also shows up in the need for control. Perfectionists tend to feel more confident when they know the plan for the future, are in control of decision making, can take charge of a situation, or exhibit control over their environment. Interestingly enough, the need for control often creates feelings of being out of control such as feeling fearful (asking the “what ifs”), anxious, worried, and frenzied.
To end perfectionism, one must begin to acknowledge that who they are and what they’ve accomplished is enough. Obviously, this is much easier said than done. Perfectionism tends to be deep rooted in beliefs that originated in an early need to achieve in order to be worthy. In order to change these beliefs, we often have to rewrite our story by redefining our self-worth in terms that move away from achievement, success, and performance. This creates a healthier balance that keeps perfectionism in check.
Key Take Away — You don’t have to be perfect to be enough.
the pattern of needing to share your success with others so they think more highly of you. This pattern tends to be a strong coverup for underlying insecurities and also is the underlying pattern that creates the need to perform. Proving can often come across as grandiose in which someone talks about their accomplishments a great deal to appear successful. When you encounter someone who is “full of themselves”, they are most likely engaging in proving.
Proving stems from the belief that you are not enough as you are and someone may find out about it. Proving is also the underlying pattern that creates comparison to others. Those who are stuck in the proving pattern often get stuck in comparison as they try to prove to others (or themselves) that they’re just as good as someone else.
Proving, however, can back fire. Instead of feeling better about oneself, as one might think, proving often makes us feel “less than” as this pattern only reinforces that we don’t feel very confident in who we are nor satisfied with our accomplishments.
Proving is notorious for making you need more, more, more to feel enough. To end this pattern, one must realize that he/she has nothing to prove. You’re enough as you, where you are.
Key Take Away — You don’t have to prove you’re worthy of being enough. You already are!
the pattern of procrastination that prevents taking necessary action toward change. Procrastination/putting off can usually indicate underlying fear, self-doubt, or overwhelm that creates stagnation instead of forward movement. This pattern can wreak havoc on creating action leading to feelings of hopelessness or helplessness if one is not careful.
Putting off can also indicate a lack of skills in creating desired change. For instance, in setting healthy boundaries, a person may put off asserting themselves because they don’t yet feel confident in their skill set in doing so. Putting off could also be related to beliefs (i.e. fears) about what will happen when one does move into action. If we expect an undesired outcome, it’s unlikely that we’ll postpone taking action because we fear we will cause harm either to ourselves or to others. This could be as simple as wading into the unknown and not feeling fully confident that we’ll be able to handle it.
The most dangerous form of putting off is procrastinating the inner work that’s necessary to move forward into our best selves. Many people fear going inward and facing their hurts, doubt, and insecurities, but these things won’t heal themselves. We must be proactive in creating internal change if we wish to reap the outer results. Not to mention, inner work is necessary for becoming enough and claiming our authenticity. Without, we’re only living from pieces of ourselves instead of all of our brilliance. There is power in your story… all of it!
Key Take Away — Putting off usually symbolizes you’re afraid of what comes next. Fears become much bigger and scarier the longer we don’t confront them. Powerful action is your fastest way to moving through this toxic pattern.
I call these patterns The 5 P’s That Prevent Happiness because when we engage in any one of these, they take us away from our authenticity.
Any time we move away from who we truly are, we reinforce the negative belief that we aren’t enough as we are, where we are. This belief is the reason we have difficulty creating happiness, freedom, power, joy, and fulfillment.
It is my personal and professional philosophy that when we believe we’re enough, the 5 P’s no longer govern our lives. We are free to be who we are, create a life of our own choosing, go in a direction that honors our soul, and feel full, whole, and complete.
Keep in mind, we are never fully immune to the 5 Ps. However, when we are able to shift our beliefs, become more aware of when we slide back into the patterns of the 5 P’s, and know how to get out of them, our lives drastically change. That’s why Live True is a lifestyle philosophy vs. a 4 step program or what have you. It is by actively choosing to Live True that we regain control over the 5 Ps and thereby our enoughness, our happiness, our power, and fulfillment.
If any of the 5 P’s are creating conflict in your own pursuit of happiness and fulfillment, I highly encourage you to do some work around your own enoughness. When you’re ready to begin this journey, I’d be more than happy to schedule a free, no obligation chat about Live True, my 1:1 coaching package that helps you Be You + Live True, which you can do below:
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Until then, BE YOU + LIVE TRUE because nothing good ever comes from denying who you are!
In Freedom + Truth,