Happy Monday, Friends! It’s our last Motivational Monday of The Enoughness Revolution, which makes me feel so excited for what’s to come with Wild and Holy Radio launching July 31st, but also a little sad.
The Enoughness Revolution was a conversation I started in October of 2015 out of a pure passion to understand enoughness and the voices of “not enough” and dispel the myth that it doesn’t matter how much we make, how much we become, how much we achieve, or how much we do, the experience of not enough is part of the human experience.
For the past almost 2 years, I’ve interviewed over a hundred people on their personal journeys to finding worthiness, revolutionizing what they believe they deserve, and cultivating the courage to actually pursue it. Each of these conversations has left an imprint on my heart. Each one has given me a piece of wisdom I’ve carried with me on my journey and hopefully have also passed onto you.
So, as we meet for our last Monday together until Wild and Holy Radio launches July 31st (p.s. don’t forget to join the launch team here!), I want to take some time to sum up some of the biggest lessons I’ve learned the past 2 years of running this podcast.
1. Enoughness is deeply spiritual.
I’ve done all kinds of work to heal the voices of “not enough”. Before beginning my path of personal development, I tried to numb them any way I could. I’d hide myself in other people and relationships to feel wanted and desired. I’d hide myself under substances and alcohol to offer a short relief of my feelings of unworthiness. I ran from God as far as I could go until I literally couldn’t go any further. I hardened my heart and put up walls so I’d never have to feel pain again. I self-abandoned my own ideas and opinions because I didn’t want to “rock the boat” or risk disapproval. I stayed in relationships that weren’t right for me because I was terrified of being alone. All because I needed the approval of others. I needed their validation because I hadn’t learned to give myself my own. Which, of course, was a catch 22. I desperately needed my own validation and self-belief, but didn’t think my opinion of myself held any weight.
Then 2006 happened, the year I lost everything. My best friend died. I lost a whole group of friends. I lost myself in drugs and alcohol. I left everything I knew behind to travel Europe on my own and by the grace of God, I had no other choice but to rely on myself to recover from some of the deepest grief I’ve ever known. That was the turning point. Sometimes rock bottom is the best place to rebuild your life. I know that’s been true for me.
For the past 11 years now, I’ve been on a personal development journey to learn how to honor my soul, release shame and guilt, and heal the holes I felt I had in my heart. Year after year, I’ve challenged myself to become more and more whole. The last place I’d ever expect to arrive is to this deeply spiritual place of knowing I’m enough, I always have been, and I always will be even if I do nothing more in my life. Enoughness isn’t attached to anything outside of ourselves. It’s attached to our Divinity.
2. We all experience the voices of “not enough”.
I used to think I could out run fear and I wasn’t done with my personal development until I got to this place where fear didn’t exist. Then I realized, that was completely absurd. Fear is part of the human experience. Fast forward 5 years and again, I found myself in the same trap – wanting to get to this place where the voices of “not enough” didn’t exist. I hadn’t truly done my enoughness work until I got to this place where I knew I was enough and was no longer plagued by the voices of “not enough”. About six months in, I realized I was in the same situation – trying to perfect my own self-improvement.
Brené Brown talks about the difference between self-improvement and perfection in The Gifts of Imperfection and it’s stuck with me every since. Our goal isn’t to get rid of fear or the voices of “not enough”. Rather, it’s to learn how find our way back home to our truth and our soul when these voices do pop up. And they will pop up. And for good reason.
For me, I’ve come to recognize fear and the voices of “not enough” as a sign I’m stepping out of my comfort zone, but deeper than that, I’m owning my truth in a more powerful way and my truth may very much differ from conventional wisdom. There’s risk in speaking your mind and sharing your truth. There’s risk in pivoting in new directions. There’s risk in trying something new or pursuing a passion or loving someone with your whole heart. But there is no way around this risk… only through. And the way we get through is with vulnerability, which is probably why I love Brené’s work so much. Courage and vulnerability are so deeply entwined and both are necessary for us to rise to our own truths in spite of fear and the voices of “not enough”.
3. The voices of “not enough” are not your truth.
This is one of those truths that I wish I would have learned when I was about 11. Before anxiety started. Before depression started. Before addiction started. Before codependency started. Before self-abandonment started. If I would have known that the voices of “not enough” were never my truth, maybe I wouldn’t have given them so much power. But that wasn’t my journey. Instead, my life has been a journey of coming home to my truth.
If you’ve done this work, you know what this journey is like. You know that it can feel like a street fight for a good long while. You know you can stay in self-defeating patterns for years even when you “know” how to change. And you can get stuck in a downward spiral of knowing how to do differently, but not truly being ready to do it because you don’t believe you’re worth better. And it’s toxic.
But, I will say… taking the soul’s journey of coming home to your truth and realizing the journey is never done changes the way you live your life. It changes the way you see yourself. It changes the way you love. And for all the years I’ve spent in non-truths, to be in place where life feels much more full of real truths is like I’ve arrived for myself in a way that feels like home.
For years, I needed other people’s validation more than my own. I desperately needed to belong, which is a basic human need. But I feel more than ever, what is most important, is to belong to and with yourself – to live with integrity and integrity is built on living your truth.
So, how do you know your truth?
It’s simple. You’re whole. You’re perfect. You’re deserving. You’re complete. You’re capable. You’re strong. You’re lovable. You’re worthy. You’re enough. That’s the truth of all of our souls because that’s the nature of souls. Souls don’t hustle for any of these things because they don’t need to. You don’t need to. Be wary of any relationship, institution, culture, group, or belief system that makes you question your worthiness.
4. Discernment is the path to enoughness.
If there’s anything I’m most excited about diving into on Wild and Holy Radio, it’s this – how we find our truth and live it and what this actually looks like in action.
I know I’ve shared this quote probably hundreds of times now, but it speaks to the gravity of discernment with such conviction, it warrants me to share it again.
“Re-examine all you’ve been told in school or church or in any book, and dismiss whatever insults your own soul.”
There are two parts here – re-examining and dismissing. And both take courage. But both lead to truth.
The journey of cultivating more enoughness has been a process of unsubscribing from anything and everything that hasn’t felt like my truth. And truth, to me, feels a lot like love. Not judgmental, manipulative, needy, or fearful love, but unconditional, all-welcoming, non-judgmental, healthy, whole love. It’s required me to open my mind to things I was previously closed to. It’s required I look at life through someone else’s view point. It’s required I explore things I previously thought were weird or crazy. It’s required me to realize I have much more to learn than what I already know. And because of that, I’ve embraced a curiosity for life instead of living in the places of certainty or black and white.
But more than that, discernment isn’t just re-examining. It’s learning how to hear your own voice over the noise of the world and choosing to follow that voice as often as possible. It’s about flexing your bravery muscles and learning to recognize what alignment feels like for you and let go of, shift, pivot, dismiss the things that no longer feel like truth.
Dismissing is hard. Letting go is hard. Shifting and pivoting… also hard. Which is why I’m so big on permission. You’re allowed to leave any story that no longer feels like truth. You’re allowed to leave any relationship that no longer feels like love. You’re allowed to leave work that no longer feels like your calling. You’re allowed to shift, to grow, to evolve, and change.
Discernment and Shifting are in a beautiful love affair, but it always leads to more alignment and alignment feels like truth and truth is the foundation for enoughness.
I can’t wait to dive into this one even more so on Wild and Holy Radio and really take it to it’s deepest spiritual levels. There’s so much here and it’s so rich and so good and so liberating! I can’t wait!
5. Enoughness is the foundation for healthy love.
With every single conversation I’ve had on enoughness, it always comes back to love. Enoughness gives us a certainty in who we are and what we deserve. It not only revolutionizes the way we think about and treat ourselves, but it drastically shifts the way we love the people closest to us. And this goes for how we love our spouse, our friends, our co-workers, and our children because it allows us to be the ultimate receivers of love as well. When enoughness is our foundation, we view other people’s action through a loving lens. We recognize that everyone is doing the best they can. We realize other people’s actions have so much more to do with what they’re going through than they have to do with us and just this gift alone, this gift of depersonalization, deeply shifts the way we experience others and ourselves.
Instead of walking through life feeling triggered, we walk through life feeling whole and serene. It doesn’t mean we’re void of worry. It doesn’t mean our feelings don’t get hurt from time to time. It doesn’t mean we won’t need to set boundaries because we will, but we see and experience people through a loving perspective instead of needing more from them than they can give at the time. We are more able to let people be who they are instead of needing them to be someone different. We learn to celebrate the people close to us just like we learn to celebrate ourselves with all our dichotomies and paradoxes. We start to see the people we love as perfect just as they are for who they’re to become, the impact they’re here to make, the lessons they’re here to learn, and the lessons they’re here to teach us.
So not only does enoughness shift the way we love, but it also shifts what we deserve. We no longer stay in toxic relationships. We no longer put up with abuse. We no longer stay in situations out of obligation or outdated thinking. We’re willing to choose ourselves, ask for what we need, stay in the room when things are hard, be willing to be vulnerable and be all in while also knowing where our lines are and knowing what actions we’ll take if they’re crossed. Enoughness is deeply honoring. It’s deeply loving. And it’s deeply courageous. Enoughness is the foundation for healthy, vibrant, soul-shifting love!
Whew! When I first started this podcast, I had no idea where this conversation was going to lead me. I didn’t know enoughness would be this whole thing that took over my life for two years. I also didn’t know doing my own work around this would set me free in ways I couldn’t have imagined. And yet, I know my work isn’t done. It never will be. Because just like fear and “not enough” are part of the human experience, so is choosing courage and truth and the longer I walk this planet, I become aware of more and more layers I want to strip away to live braver and live truer. And I hope you’re right there with me!!
Join me for the final episode on Thursday as we go even deeper on the topic of enoughness and don’t forget to join me on the Wild and Holy Radio Launch Team for the behind the scenes launch of this new conversation plus my first sponsors, first guests, and never before heard interviews you get to hear first!
I’ll see you on Thursday for our final episode! You guys…. a new adventure is in sight and I am SO excited!!!!