Happy Memorial Day, everyone! Especially if you’re in the US. Before we get into today’s episode, I want to bring our focus to why we celebrate today and what we’re honoring.
There are hundreds of families today who are missing a loved one, a loved one who paid the ultimate price for our freedom and safety. Yet, it wasn’t just them that paid this price. It’s also the spouses and children growing up without their parent. There is no greater sacrifice than that.
As a military spouse, I feel this intimately. My husband has been the pilot on four angel flights where he’s brought fallen soldiers home to their families. On one hand there’s been honor to be able to bring these soldiers home. And on the other, there’s been grief as it’s a somber reminder of the cost of war.
So as you celebrate today, please don’t forget what we’re honoring and please send some intentional love and light to those who have paid the ultimate price.
So, this weekend was my son’s first birthday and with that came a wave of emotion. I noticed how fast the year went by and yet how long some of those days have been in between.
This past year has been quite the journey of deepening into motherhood and watching this part of me ascend. It’s made me acutely aware of my strengths, but also acutely aware of my shortcomings. Being a mom has made me want to be a better a person, a braver person, and teach my child the magic and miracles of life that surround him and are in him as he pursues his own path.
I didn’t always used to look for magic or miracles or signs or breadcrumbs. For a long while, it seemed I spent the majority of my time creating plans – my plans. There was no room for magic or miracles or signs or breadcrumbs.
And because of that, there was a lot of anxiety. Anxiety happens when we need to be in control. We have a vision and stress ourselves to death to make sure it all works out. And there are plenty of things we can focus on to control – our partners- the way they talk, the way they act, the way they help us with chores. Our children – what they eat, what they wear, how they present themselves, what grades they get, what schools they get into. Our lives- we can spend an awful lot of energy trying to ensure certain things happen while preventing others. It took me a long time to realize there’s very little in my control. This awareness increased my anxiety the first time I realized it, but then a peace came over me as I realized control was all a fallacy.
The times things did go well weren’t all my doing. The times bad things could have happened, but didn’t were also not all my doing. There was some other hand in all of this. Coming face to face with the limits of my power was infuriating at first. I’d still fall into the same old trap of trying to change my partner. I still fall into the same old trap of trying to make my child nap when I want him to. And every now and then, I still fall into the deep dark hole of trying to force my way in the world instead of allowing, instead of inviting, instead of having a preference instead of a goal.
It’s funny…. the more I sought control over things outside of myself, the more out of control I felt. And the more I let go of control, the more in control of my life I became.
This has shown up over and over again for me. Especially in relationships wanting people to feel a certain way about me, but not being able to force it. Or trying to force a certain career path when it was never meant for me in the first place. Or trying to meet a goal that my ego had set for me to feel enough only to feel as though I horribly missed the mark.
The more and more I tried to get my way, the more powerless I felt. And looking back, I was so attached to “MY WAY”, I didn’t see all the signs. I didn’t see all the breadcrumbs leading me in a different direction.
I didn’t see those relationships were never my forever love. I didn’t see those life directions were taking me further away from my true calling. I didn’t see all the synchronicities that were lining me up pointing me in the right direction. And the thing that skewed my vision the most was the idea I wasn’t enough.
Why else do we try and convince someone to love us when true love needs no convincing? Why else do we get in power struggles with our kids other than it threatens our authority? Why else do we stay in a job that makes us feel like we’re dying? Because we don’t trust ourselves enough to take the leap? Maybe we’re not good enough after all!
The past two years, I’ve been talking about enoughness, how we cultivate it, how we maintain it, how we find our way back to it when we get lost in the voices of “not enough”, which are never our truth by the way.
For the past two years, I’ve been studying worthiness and the way it plays out in all kinds of ways keeping us from the love we deserve, the life we deserve, the work we deserve, and the courage we deserve. I think we all know the ways in which it shows up in our own lives, the way we cower instead of believe, the way we second guess instead of have faith, the way we try and control instead of surrender.
It’s a vulnerable thing to stand in your worthiness, but something magical happens when you do. You become a much more powerful observer of your life, yet you also become increasingly aware of your power. You realize you don’t have to force or control or predict or prove. You’re whole as you are. You’re enough as you are and you can surely have preferences, you can surely have dreams, but you become much more open to the way in which they all play out.
You start to become increasingly more aware that everything is always working in your favor. There is never a need to worry because the Universe has your back. All the fears of being judged or misunderstood are replaced with a silent power that’s strong and unyielding because you know other people’s validation will never be more important than your own.
And because of this, you trust yourself more, but you trust the Universe and God even more so because you no longer doubt your divinity. And that’s where the belief in breadcrumbs come in. Instead of needing to know the whole plan, your life becomes an adventure taking one step after one step as it appears in front of you and letting where this path may lead tickle your curiosity.
I’ve found that each time I follow a breadcrumb, a new vision for the future comes with it. My soul dreams up all kinds of ideas of where these breadcrumbs may lead and just like any good dream, it motivates me to keep on going, to keep on following the breadcrumbs. Each breadcrumb leads to a deeper vision for the future and keeps carrying me in ways I couldn’t have predicted nor could I have planned. And then you realize how boring life would be if you knew what was coming all along.
And in a way, we do know what’s coming. The people I run with will live extraordinary lives – wide open to love and adventure, blessings and loss. Their hearts will experience the depth and breadth of life as they always move forward in search of what feels like truth and good in their bones. They’re curious, so curious, as to where their life will lead and without even noticing it, they’ll weave a beautiful life, a life more beautiful than they could have ever planned.
That’s the power of breadcrumbs. I don’t need to know where mine lead, only that they feel like truth and good in my bones and that the next step is necessary for more of the future to be revealed. And so I’m taking it!
The concept of Wild and Holy found me earlier this year as I was deepening into my book writing process and the message I feel most called to share. Wild and Holy came to me while I was making my way back to church, a very vulnerable practice for me and it’s seriously no surprise that this idea found me then because I needed to be reminded that no church or school or book or system will ever be the decider of my holiness. I’ve already claimed that for myself and it comes from living my truth. It comes from running wild. Of reclaiming the pieces of me I had given away because I thought they weren’t enough, I thought they didn’t belong.
I needed that reminder as I sat in those pews that brought up all kinds of negative feelings. I needed those words to remind me that nothing will ever be between me and my divinity – no person outside myself making the rules or suggesting I conform myself to boxes. Divinity is free. Worthiness is free. Enoughness is free. And we only get to these things when we refuse to let others opinions or beliefs dictate who we are in the world. We have to be brave enough to hold our own opinions, to trust ourselves, to cultivate our own beliefs and live by them with integrity. That’s what wildness means to me and it’s the holiest work you’ll ever do. It’s the holiest work I’ve ever done and continue to do. After all, this is the journey of the seeker – always on the search for what feels like truth and good in our bones.
So, friends….. The Enoughness Revolution is coming to an end at it’s 150th episode and Wild and Holy Radio will be coming in it’s place! I’m ready to follow this breadcrumb to wherever it shall lead and bring our community along with me!
I don’t know if anything has felt this good in my bones or felt more true than Wild and Holy does to me every single time I say it. There’s something that moves through me like electricity and a shiver. I feel turned on in a way I can’t explain, enlivened, excited, and like I’m stepping into some really big shoes. But dreams and visions are supposed to scare you. They’re supposed to scare you with a rock steady flow of certainty flowing underneath. It’s intuitive and guided, certain and strong and I am so excited for this next conversation!
Wild and Holy Radio will be launching on July 31st, my 34th birthday with new conversations on how we reclaim our real truths, release our non-truths, and become our fullest expression in the world. We’ll be talking about God and all the mystical ways this powerful life force shows up. We’ll be talking about love – how we choose it, how we become it, how we offer it and receive it, how we pour it into our relationships for life-changing experiences of feeling seen, heard, supported, and known. We’ll be talking about purpose – how we find it, how we pursue it, how we creatively express it in the world. And we’ll be talking about spiritual living – how we trust more and worry less, how we forgive more and grudge less, how we bravely experience the messiness of life with all it’s twists and turns and losses and celebrations. We’ll talk about becoming our most loving selves, our most trusting selves, our bravest selves, our wildest selves. Because all of this is holy work. There is no holier work than living your truth and honoring your soul and I want to be a lighthouse for the wildest and holiest work we can do!
I hope you’ll join me! We still have three more amazing episodes on the Enoughness Revolution. I’ve already opened a Wild and Holy Radio Launch Team FB group, which I’ve linked to in the show notes. Together, we’ll be sharing Wild and Holy Radio far and wide. There will be giveaways and celebration. There will be behind the scenes as I reach out to spiritual teachers. There will be sneak peaks of some of the newest episodes. And there will be a whole lot of community as we gear up to share this new message with the world.
So…. This is where my breadcrumbs are leading me. To Wild and Holy. To a new conversation, a deeper conversation on spirituality, love, purpose, faith, trust, magic, and miracles.
Are you excited? I’m excited, y’all! There’s nothing more exhilarating that taking a leap in faith, than following the signs not knowing where you’re going to end up, but if I were a betting woman, I’d bet they’re going to lead us somewhere great, somewhere deep, somewhere free, and somewhere holy!
Ahhhhhhh….. come join me on the Wild and Holy Radio Launch Team you guys! This is going to be sooooooooooo good!!!!
Ok… I have an amazing guest for you guys on Thursday, a person I’ve been following for awhile now and we had the best conversation about a lot of the things we talked about today, actually. She’s a firecracker with a huge heart who’s going to be sharing so many juicy nuggets behind the scenes of following her heart and reaching her dreams. It’s a good one!
Until then, happy Monday. Have a powerful, magical, loving start to your week <3