The 5 P’s are toxic patterns that have a tendency of interfering with your enoughness.
They are —
the tendency to put others’ needs before your own. This pattern can be common in codependent relationship styles in which both people involved have a tendency to blame the other person for things not going right in their life. They tend to over do for others out of the “goodness of their heart”, but over time (when the same isn’t returned), it can create resentment toward the other person or lead one person to feel they are being taken advantage of.
The “cure” is to always tend to your own needs in relationships. You are responsible for your own emotional and mental wellbeing. You are responsible for communicating what you want and need from others. You are also responsible for saying “no” and creating boundaries to honor your true feelings, desires, and expectations of others. You’re responsible for choosing what you will allow in your relationships and what you won’t. It’s also your responsibility to determine your own life direction regardless of the approval or disapproval of others.
To end pleasing, it’s often helpful to do some work around the beliefs that keep you stuck in this pattern. Some common beliefs are “the other person will get mad if I disagree with them”, “the other person won’t like me if I say ‘no'”, “people will say ‘told you so’ if I fail”, etc. Ending pleasing requires breaking free from these beliefs and adopting a more freeing mindset in how you interact in relationships.
Key Take Away — The only person you need to please is yourself.
the pattern of hyper-focusing on success, financial abundance, productivity, and/or work performance to measure your value and/or worth. This pattern is extremely common in high-achievers as we’ve bought into the belief that if we become enough, do enough, have enough, or make enough, then we’ll be enough. This can easily lead to ego-centered desires that take you away from your true purpose, workaholism, burnout, and never feeling like you’re truly successful as you tend to focus on how much further there is to go rather than where you already are. You might find it difficult or almost completely absent to celebrate your wins, success, and/or progress because of this. You might also have difficulty resting, relaxing, unplugging, or enjoying quiet moments as your mind is likely to always be focused on things that need to be done to create more momentum, money, or progress.
Most high-achievers find it difficult to find value in who they are vs. in what they do. They tend to over identify with labels and/or work and changing this pattern can create a lot of resistance as most of these beliefs are built on what you’re “supposed” to do.
To end this pattern of performing, you must first develop a clear representation that you are not what you do or contribute. You’re enough just as you are. You’re worthy of love, belonging, happiness, and success without outer measures. It can also be helpful to decrease the “busyness” that likely rules your life, make time for peace and calm, take time for fun and relaxation (that isn’t attached to a goal/outcome), and experience the ease that comes from this. Busyness has become an epidemic. If you score high on this area, I can almost guarantee that you live your life at a high pace and high intensity, are more likely to feel lazy and worthless if you aren’t doing something or contributing something, and have difficulty having fun.
There’s a nice balance between productivity and relaxation and both are equally important for a happy and fulfilling life.
Key Take Away — A strong belief that you’re already enough as you are, where you are is the best “cure” to ending performing.
the pattern of striving for ideals that are unrealistic and unattainable. Perfectionism is a major thief of joy as it creates a pattern of striving and obsessing over a destination that one will never attain. Perfection does not exist because we, as human beings, do not live in a vacuum where we can control all variables.
Perfectionism is often camouflaged as a strong desire for self-improvement. These two are not the same thing. Improving or bettering yourself can be successfully measured and has distinct levels that can be reached. Perfectionism has no real measuring quality since perfection is explicitly subjective meaning the definition of “perfection” is different for each individual. Once one level of “perfection” is reached, there is a distinct unyielding need to improve more and more and more.
Perfecting also shows up in the need for control. Perfectionists tend to feel more confident when they know the plan for the future, are in control of decision making, can take charge of a situation, or exhibit control over their environment. Interestingly enough, the need for control often creates feelings of being out of control such as feeling fearful (asking the “what ifs”), anxious, worried, and frenzied.
To end perfectionism, one must begin to acknowledge that who they are and what they’ve accomplished is enough. Obviously, this is much easier said than done. Perfectionism tends to be deep rooted in beliefs that originated in an early need to achieve in order to be worthy. In order to change these beliefs, we often have to rewrite our story by redefining our self-worth in terms that move away from achievement, success, and performance. This creates a healthier balance that keeps perfectionism in check.
Key Take Away — You don’t have to be perfect to be enough.
the pattern of needing to convince someone else (or yourself) that you’re worthy. This pattern tends to be a strong coverup for underlying insecurities and also is the underlying pattern that creates the need to perform. Proving can often come across as grandiose in which someone talks about their accomplishments a great deal to appear successful. When you encounter someone who is “full of themselves”, they are most likely engaging in proving.
Proving stems from the belief that you are not enough as you are and someone may find out about it. Proving is also the underlying pattern that creates comparison to others. Those who are stuck in the proving pattern often get stuck in comparison as they try to prove to others (or themselves) that they’re just as good as someone else.
Proving, however, can back fire. Instead of feeling better about oneself, as one might think, proving often makes us feel “less than” as this pattern only reinforces that we don’t feel very confident in who we are nor satisfied with our accomplishments.
Proving is notorious for making you need more, more, more to feel enough. To end this pattern, one must realize that he/she has nothing to prove. You’re enough as you, where you are.
Key Take Away — You don’t have to prove you’re worthy of being enough. You already are!
the pattern of procrastinating because we don’t fully trust ourselves, our capabilities, or our deservingness. A lot of times putting off is related to perfectionism because we don’t think we’re good enough to move forward or haven’t mastered a skill yet to really put ourselves out there. Putting off can wreak havoc on our overall self-esteem because instead of us taking the actions our soul is calling us to make, we can continue to stay stuck in old patterns, old situations, and old thinking even though somewhere deep within us, we know we deserve more.
Putting off creates the most conflict when it comes to soul-alignmnet because alignment requires action. And action requires courage. Putting off tends to also reinforce that we don’t have it together, we tend to beat ourselves up for not taking action, and can fall into self-blame, self-criticism, and self-loathing quite easily.
The number one way to end putting off? Lean into vulnerability. Making change can be scary. Making change can throw us into the unknown. All of these things are vulnerable. The more comfortable you can get in the uncomfortable, the better off you’ll be.
Key Take Away — You don’t have to be perfect/different/better/more to take action. You can take action now!
I call these patterns The 5 P’s That Prevent Enoughness (and thus Happiness in Life and Success in Business) because when we engage in any one of these, they take us away from our enoughness and away from our authenticity.
Any time we move away from who we truly are, we reinforce the negative belief that we aren’t enough as we are, where we are. This belief is the reason we have difficulty creating happiness, freedom, power, joy, and fulfillment.
It is my personal and professional philosophy that when we believe we’re enough, the 5 P’s no longer govern our lives. We are free to be who we are, create a life of our own choosing, go in a direction that honors our soul, and feel full, whole, and complete.
Keep in mind, we are never fully immune to the 5 Ps. However, when we are able to shift our beliefs, become more aware of when we slide back into the patterns of the 5 P’s, and know how to get out of them, our lives drastically change.
If any of the 5 P’s are creating conflict in your own pursuit of happiness and fulfillment, I highly encourage you to do some work around your own enoughness. When you’re ready to begin this journey, I’d be more than happy to schedule a free, no obligation chat about my 1:1 coaching package that helps you break free from the stories of “not enough” and become the Fierce Feminine Leader of your own life.
And make sure you’ve joined the Bold Beautiful Soul Tribe to get free access to my community where you + everything you do is enough!!